I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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