sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
