YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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