who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
