What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
