I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
my liver is dry heaving
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
