Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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