Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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