did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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