what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
