She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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