I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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