im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
