im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
