we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
