Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's the barista slut.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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