Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
