so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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