Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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