I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
