highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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