My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
