"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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