You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
