I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
