You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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