Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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