My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
