meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
