I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
