i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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