Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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