Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
