this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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