Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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