Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
