Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My balls are so social today.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
