i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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