I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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