If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
