Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
