If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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