She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
