Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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