she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
