I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Found the puke drawer
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
