So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
