how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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