I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
