I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
