I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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