i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
